


where the charges meet

by sandyk



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: 15 16 17 year olds have sex with other 15 16 17 year olds, AU a lot from mid s2, F/M, Joey gets laid a lot, Pacey/Joey in the end, Reference to canon abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 15:50:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12345804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: This is the sort of story Joey will write about later. (AU from mid s2)





	where the charges meet

**Author's Note:**

> Not mine, no profit garnered. Title and chapter titles from Caroline Cabrera's dear sensitive beard. AU from bad moon rising. Thanks to A for beta help, all mistakes mine.

_1\. People think the sky reflects the ocean, but it doesn't. It is all about refraction._

Joey sat back in her chair and frowned. "So you don't think it's good? It's not well-written?"

Professor Wilder said, "It has the potential to be good. What you've written here is, it's a little rote. It's not surprising. You need to find your voice in all this. We all have sex, we all lose our virginity, it's different for girls, but what about your experience? Not good, not bad, but uniquely Joey."

"How do I make it less rote then?" Joey kept frowning. She'd liked it, she thought she'd achieved something.

"Dig deeper. Use your words. Focus on the guts of the thing, what are you saying with this? What story do you want to tell? I bet it's a great story," Professor Wilder said, his big handsome smile even bigger than usual.

"Okay," Joey said, getting up. She was intent, she had to do well. 

She sat up all night while Audrey went out dancing. Joey should have gone dancing. She liked dancing. Maybe she'd meet someone. She actually had no interest in meeting someone. 

Maybe she'd see Professor Wilder. She was tempted to pull out all of her hair.

She thought, mostly, her story, the one she wanted to tell, wasn't that each first time after the first was better, but more that at age 15 and age 16, she'd been an idiot. She'd felt everything like it was a billboard blaring in her head. She was doomed from the start, she thought, nearly laughing. She was doomed by her first 14 years of analyzing and talking so damn much. 

She started writing that. Three hours later, she had something.

She handed it in to Professor Wilder, and he smiled back at her.

They met in his office again. Wilder said, "This is so much better. I am taking credit for all of it because I pushed you and I think that's something you should get used to, Miss Potter. Because you are brilliant and all sort of much less talented people will surround you and try to bask in your sunshine."

"I hope that's an A," Joey said, blushing.

"It is, absolutely."

She saw him on campus one night, after she'd finished his class. He said, "I always wanted to know, what happened with boy 1, 2 and 3?"

"Broke up with the first one after 3 months, the second was a long distance relationship and it just fell apart. The third, we dated for over a year. But at some point, he seemed to decide he really liked to drink and we broke up a month before I wrote that essay for you. But he went to rehab, I think his life is turning to the better side," Joey said.

"So you're getting back together?"

"Nope," Joey said. "This is fun to talk about, do you have any open wounds I can poke at?"

"I'm divorced," Wilder said. "I might be making the mortal sin of hitting on a student."

"Ex-student," Joey said. "I'm not taking any classes with you. I probably won't ever."

Wilder stepped closer. "So then I show up in your next essay as the older man?"

"Do you ever warn women you sleep with you might write about them? Cause I read your book," Joey said.

"You're being very challenging right now," Wilder said.

She really did find him attractive. She hadn't been thinking about it too hard but now she was back to thinking a lot, about his wide smile and his game show host hair, in a good way.

There were steps, of course. They flirted more and moved from the path around the campus to Wilder's house. They both had a glass of wine. Then his pants were somewhere around his calves and Joey said, "I'm on the pill, are you infected with anything?"

"I'm currently manfully resisting the 300 leering remarks I just thought of, besides that, I'm clean as a whistle," Wilder said.

Then she was on top of him, her legs spread around his hips, knees pressing into his couch, his hard penis inside her. She felt like a woman, mature in her power. 19 years old, she was everything. 

She was just as sure she would regret being an immature brat in three hours.

_2\. Just like any time there is a double rainbow, that second rainbow (the paler one) is a reflection of the primary rainbow. Always upside down._

Joey was single, Jen was single, Andie was still dating Dawson. Sometimes it still made Joey angry, Andie and Dawson. This wasn't supposed to be how her junior year in high school went. There had been plans, she had had distinct ideas of what her future would hold. 

Andie had been supposed to be focused on getting better in her head and loyal to her boyfriend, to Pacey. But Dawson was in the same city, spending the summer with his mom, and he visited Andie. And now they were dating, they held hands and made out, like they hadn't trampled all over Pacey. She reminded herself that it was up to Pacey to be angry. Pacey had said that to her a number of times.

So they were having this girls' night in. Jen, who'd actually dated Pacey after his horrible heartbreak, was more sanguine about Andie than Joey managed to be so she was the peacekeeper. It was a very strange role for Jen to be taking in Joey's opinion. But Joey didn't really know anything at all, she reminded herself of that a lot.

Jen said, "So I'm writing my paper on the concept of virginity."

"In other words, men suck and ruin women's lives," Andie said. "I buy it. I would give it an A. Though, honestly, losing my virginity was great."

"Sucked over here," Jen said.

"I'm ambivalent," Joey said.

Andie glanced at Joey and then studiously looked down at her books. They'd agreed when Andie and Dawson started dating that they had a pact, what happened at girls' night in stayed at girls' night in.

"I think society is so screwed up that even us girls invest too much in virginity," Joey said.

"I agree," Andie said. "I had about six million fantasies and Pacey was very sweet about making some of them come true, but it still wasn't earthshaking."

"It's only earthshaking because we build it up to be," Joey said.

"Or you don't even get to choose," Jen said. "Then you're supposed to be heartbroken you didn't get the fantasy. Mostly, at this point, I'm just glad it's done, so I can move on and actually enjoy being a slut."

"You are not a slut," Joey said.

"Not at all," Andie said, nodding seriously.

"I fit many many definitions of slut," Jen said. "Especially the definition that means a woman who enjoys sex and isn't married."

"Then I'm a slut," Andie said.

Part of Joey really doubted Dawson was so great at sex. It was mean of her. He'd gotten better while they dated. He was probably even better without the weight of soulmates and forever best friends on every encounter. With Andie he was just with a smart, pretty girl. Whom he stole from his best friend. But women weren't property to be stolen. Andie had made a choice and she'd been very straightforward to Pacey about it. No sneaking around at all.

"I don't think I'm a slut yet," Joey said. "I like sex, but enjoying it? I'm not there yet."

"You should be," Andie said. "No pressure, I don't mean you need to change. I mean, the guys you're with should change."

"You could change a little," Jen said. "You think too much. I feel like you're too busy cataloguing your every thought and feeling and moral argument, you never let yourself go. Also, you maybe haven't dated very adventurous guys. How many times did they go down on you?"

"Never," Joey said. "You mean cunnilingus, right?"

"Oral sex, eating you out," Andie said. "Really? Dawson does. Though, admittedly, I did have to ask."

Jen said, "Do you ask?"

"No," Joey said. "Am I supposed to?"

"You'd probably enjoy it," Jen said.

"So I hear," Joey said. "I'll get right on that. Do I have to go down on him?"

"Never," Jen said. "If he implies otherwise, dump him."

_3\. This is all I know about wavelengths, about meteorology._

"Let's pretend," Joey said.

"What are we pretending?" Pacey smiled at her from the other side of the room.

Joey drank more of her beer. "Are you over there because I'm drinking alcohol? I'm a junior in college, I'm only a few months from turning 21."

"Basically," Pacey said. "Can't we agree two trips to rehab are enough for me? Like, my dad can only afford so much. Also, I still don't have my license back, so again, I'll be over here."

"Are you mad at me for drinking? It's only three beers." Joey finished her third beer and then went to the sink and washed out the bottle. She put it in the recycling and closed the cabinet door on the bin. "And now it's all done."

"Still not making out with you," Pacey said.

"Did I say I want to?" Joey giggled. "Okay, I want to. You're so hot with your bad boy past."

"Not hot," Pacey said. "It's going to be two years before I can drive again. I could almost have killed someone instead of nearly killing me. That should be unattractive to you. Be better than that, Jo."

"Fine," Joey said. She laid down on her bed on her side, watching him. "I have such a crappy apartment. How did I end up here?"

"Audrey transferred to USC," Pacey said. "So there goes your sugar mama."

"And here I am in my studio apartment," Joey said. "Drinking in front of my alcoholic ex-boyfriend." She sighed. "We should get back together."

"Because I'm a bad boy? Come on, Jo."

"I miss you," Joey said. "All the time." She sniffled a little. "I know, I know. Bad boy bad, but that's not it. It's you. Pacey, my favorite Pacey. The first boy who went down on me."

"That's the important part of our relationship," Pacey said, smiling again.

"It was to me, is to me," Joey said. "I love receiving oral sex."

"You say that so sexy," Pacey said. He was stretched out on her floor. "You promise you'll drive me to the airport in the early ass sun hasn't risen morning?"

"I already promised," Joey said. "Why are you leaving so early?"

"It was the cheapest flight and I, a two time patient of an only slightly covered by insurance rehab facility, have no money. So I didn't even buy the ticket, I borrowed money from Grams. My life is awesome," Pacey said.

"You, you have a family who loves you and takes care of you, except for your mother, who is awful. You're flying to start a special awesome school thing for chef-ing." Joey pulled her blanket over her waist. Pacey had filled out from his super skinny string bean phase, Joey liked it. She kept imagining those lovely legs under hers and she'd be riding his dick. She was definitely drunk, when she was sober she was so much more poetic. She thought in better sentences.

"Well, sure, when you put it that way. I appreciate you getting that dig in on my blessed mother," Pacey said.

"Pacey, everyone knows your mother is a monster of human being," Joey said.

"Yeah, but only Witters she gave birth to get to say that. Or people married to Witters she gave birth to," Pacey said. "Ain't no ring on my finger, Potter."

"I would marry you, but you won't let me even come over there and make out," Joey said.

"You taste like beer and I'm not supposed to taste beer," Pacey said.

"I know," Joey said. "Sorry about the beer."

"You drink all you want," Pacey said. "I don't mind, I just can't make out with you when you do that."

"But tomorrow when I'm sober?"

Pacey said, "If you're not hungover and sweating alcohol." He sounded mean, Joey thought. He was upset with her.

"If we don't make out in the morning, then I won't see you for weeks. I won't get to see you naked," Joey said. She was absolutely whining.

"You're so sweet," Pacey said. "You can fly out to Chicago if you get horny, okay?"

"I guess, I'm not rich either," Joey said. "I'm horny for you all the time."

"You're a writer, Potter, I love the way you talk."

"I am indeed a writer, I have been published."

Pacey said, "On the world wide web."

"In an online literary magazine," Joey said. "They actually paid me. I got $50, Pacey. I am a paid writer."

"Who keeps saying the word horny," Pacey said. "Go to sleep, Potter, we have an early drive."

She stuck out her tongue and then closed her eyes.

She woke up even earlier than she needed to and showered with vigor. She brushed her teeth and ate three mints. Then she went out and knelt next to Pacey. "Wake up," she said. "We have time to make out. I am so so clean. I had some mints. Not mouthwash because that has alcohol."

"You really are horny," Pacey said.

"I'm very aroused by you," Joey said. She pulled down the blanket and then his sweatpants. He wasn't even wearing underwear, a habit of Pacey's she really loved. She said, "How about a blowjob? I've gotten really good at them. According to the last three guys I dated."

"I would never say no," Pacey said.

_4\. Also, lightning strikes from the middle first, where charges meet._

Joey sat on the couch, pretending to write in her journal. She was usually pretty good about it but now she had pregnancy brain which was her excuse. She watched Pacey while he made her dinner. She sketched his back and waist and butt. He looked over his shoulder and she tried to quickly get that down. "Anything about dinner smell good? Or some other sort of smell?"

"It smells good," Joey said. "See if this brat likes it once I eat it."

"Please stop calling the future Witter a brat. We don't know they are one yet. Let's give them some time to actually develop the bratty qualities we know are coming," Pacey said.

"Well, I was a brat so 50 50 chance," Joey said. "I know, you were adorable and easy going."

"At least for a while," Pacey said.

"It really bothers me," Joey said. She'd finished drawing Pacey's face. It was a beautiful face. She'd been looking at him since she was 5, after 25 years she knew his face really well. She still loved that face, even stranger.

"It bothers you that I became a brat?" Pacey was plating their dinners. She hated herself for using that term. She didn't even watch cooking shows, she hated cooking shows, she just married a chef.

"No, not that. Your parents sucked, but it bothers me I can't figure out which time it was that we conceived," Joey said. "We had sex a lot that week."

Pacey put the two plates on the table, and then rested his hand on her belly. He loved to do that. She shoved her journal to the side and reached for the food. She had started eating with her fingers. She couldn't explain it and frankly, Pacey would learn to put up with it. "That's not gross at all," Pacey said.

"Whatever," Joey said. "But it bothers me, seriously, Pacey. Which time was the time? Was it in the bathroom at your restaurant? Or when you came to my office? Or at home? It's an important time to pin down."

"I dunno, you're not worried about the paternity so far as I know, so it's just, hey, we decided to have a baby, and it only took us a month to pregnant," Pacey said. He was somehow pointedly using his fork to eat his dinner.

"It matters to me," Joey said. "I've spent my whole life, I think, thinking about that time, this time, first time, last time, and this is the most important time, the life creating time, and I can't pin it down. Which experience was it?"

"Maybe your lifetime obsession with times, first and last and in between, is the problem here," Pacey said. "Were any of the times bad?"

"No, of course not," Joey said. "Okay, your employee bathroom has a weird smell."

"Had a weird smell, this one guy was smoking something unidentified in there, but we fired that guy," Pacey said. "Besides the smell?"

"No," Joey said. "We were having great sex."

"Were?"

"Sorry, that trimester is over, I am not feeling it. Not this week. Next week, maybe?"

"Whenever works for you," Pacey said.

"Which time do you think it was?"

"I think," Pacey said. "I think it was that time we were home, and in our bed, and you let me be on top, which was very nice of you and there was a beautiful moment when I really felt it like, I was inside of you and it was cosmic."

"Cosmic," Joey said. "Cosmic."

"You keep saying it doesn't make it less embarrassing that I used it," Pacey said.

"Don't be embarrassed," she said. She held up a slice of chicken. "Can I hand feed you?"

"It would be cosmic," Pacey said.

_5._

AJ never put any pressure on her. She was the one who wanted it. Not that AJ didn't want it, he clearly did, he wanted it. But Joey was the one pushing it. This was the way, she thought. If she initiated it, then she wasn't doing it from pressure. She was being aggressive. She was taking ownership and agency. She liked it. Even the first time was good. And the second time was much better.

She rode back on the train and felt good. She really did.

_6\. When your hair starts to stand on end, get on the ground and spread yourself out as much as possible._

When they got on the boat, a trip they'd been planning to take together for a whole week, she'd changed into her bikini. She put on sunscreen and looked back at Capeside getting tinier. Their wall still had the painting of the boat and the sun and the two hummingbirds perched on the bow, the words take me with you written large on the bottom. Maybe if Pacey paid the rent again, she'd redo it when they got home. When they got back, they'd be seniors at Capeside. 

She sat at the entrance to the cabin and watched Pacey steer the boat She was going to have to learn all these intricacies. He smiled at her lecherously, and then stepped over her, his strong arm turning her towards the cabin. He was in the cabin, his eyes level with her bikini bottoms. She said, "Pacey, I don't know if right now is the actual time for this."

"What do you think this is?" He had his hands on the sides of her bikini, ready to take it off.

"Sex?"

"I was thinking oral sex, you know: cunnilingus, eating you out, going down on you." He had a wicked smile. She liked the sound of it. But.

"I've never done that," Joey said. "No one's ever done that to me."

"You and Dawson were having sex for three months," Pacey said. "You and AJ were having sex for a few months, too." He was already pulling down her bottoms. She lifted her hips so they came off easier.

"We made out or we had sex," she said. She almost brought her legs together, almost put her hand in front of her vagina. But Pacey looked so turned on. Jen had said once, of one of her exes who wasn't a horrible immoral seducer that he had been amazing when he went down on her. It was supposed to be good.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to," Pacey said, looking up at her seriously. "And you definitely don't. But my exes have said that they enjoy this when I do it."

"Well, if Tamara and Andie like it," Joey said. "And Jen. And your other lovers." She probably sounded jealous, even though she really wasn't.

"You have now named all three of my lovers," Pacey said. "You want?"

She nodded and spread her legs wider. She was trembling because she was nervous. Pacey said, "Sweetheart, sweetheart." Then he touched her with his fingers delicately, in places that made her tremble for other reasons. Then she felt his tongue and his fingers at the same time and she actually moaned. He was gently and demanding and she felt like her entire life and everything in the universe had narrowed to the space between her legs and Pacey's tongue and fingers. When she came it was like an exploding wave. It was something so blissful she didn't have any metaphor for.

She laid back, the sun on her chest and face. She said, "Wow. Wow. Should I do that for you? Am I supposed to?"

Pacey came out of the tiny bathroom with a warm wet cloth he rubbed her vagina and legs with. She said, "Oh, man, I have to pee." She stumbled past him to do just that. Then she came out, still only in her bikini top.

Pacey clearly had an erection. She said, again, "Am I supposed to do that?"

"You are not supposed to do anything, you do what you want. I got a hand, I even have two," Pacey said.

"Can I watch again?" It was super hot.

Pacey grinned and pulled his dick out. She said, "Wait, before you start - I wanted to talk about this thing."

"Since you mean Dawson," Pacey said. "Let's just keep it to after."

She sat down next to him and kissed him over and over again while she watched his hand on his dick up and down. She put her hand on top of his and he got even harder. She loved that, too.

After he came and they cleaned up again and she put on her bottoms, she said, "Did you know I only saw Dawson naked when we first had sex?"

"That's a fact that I can hold on to," Pacey said.

"I'm not comparing, I'm just saying, I am thinking right now about my sexual history. and how much it sucks that the first part of it was so binary, black or white. Kiss or have sex. We never did any of this. The hands and mouth."

"No foot in mouth? I think we've all been guilty of foot in mouth between the three, four, five, six of us," Pacey said.

"And with AJ, we slept together, you know, and had sex, and I gave him a handjob, but you know, the same. Kissing and sex," Joey said. "Is this a failure of our sexual education?"

"Yes," Pacey said.

"And girls aren't allowed to feel sexual things, they're supposed to protest and say no and then succumb, and you guys are supposed to push and push and not take no, and no one gets to be happy and free."

"I don't think it's quite that dire," Pacey said. "Some people do somehow manage to have good sex lives."

"Please don't try to tell me your abusive teacher was the path to liberation," Joey said.

"We're not going to call her abusive, okay?" Pacey got up. "Time to teach you how to steer this baby."

_7\. I love the fucking weather._

At some point, Dawson stopped crying and they were kissing, passionately. Then they were in bed together, Dawson's bed, the place of a familiar platonic sleepovers. For once they weren't even talking as everything got more serious. Joey was staring at Dawson, their eyes locked together as they somehow ended up naked and she could feel Dawson's erection and this time see it. She pulled back with flashes of Bessie in her head, she said, "Either you have a condom or we put our clothes back on, okay?" Her voice cracked a little, this was not the time to let emotion win over brains and common sense.

Dawson got out of the bed and said, "I do, I do, Pacey gave me a bunch because he's an asshole, but actually right now I love him."

Between the two of them, they got the condom on. She prayed Dawson wouldn't say anything. She just wanted this to happen and be done. And then they'd be together forever and it wouldn't matter who Joey kissed or any doubts Joey had. Dawson didn't say anything and instead got on top of her.

It took him a few tries and some gentle ministrations but eventually Dawson got all the way in. It hurt but not that bad. That's what everyone said anyway. And what Joey was experiencing. Still, it was good, it was soulmates coming together.

Dawson came and Joey didn't but that was okay, too, It stopped hurting and she could almost see how people liked doing this. Next time would be better.

Dawson threw away the condom and then back in bed with her. He kissed her and said, "I think that was perfect. You're so wonderful. Thank you."

"You're great," Joey said. "I better get home before Bessie sends the cops."

She got dressed and went out the window. She climbed down wanting to cry. It wasn't Dawson's fault. It was hers. She was the one trying to make everything better in stupid ways.

She saw Jen sitting on the steps of her house, she looked like she had fallen asleep. Joey ached between her legs and she had one of those lightning bolt revelations that Jen deserved better than Joey had ever given her. Why did everyone treat Jen so badly just for having sex, like she probably felt pressured into it and did it for dumb reasons. Joey walked over to Jen and rubbed her shoulder. "Hey," Joey said.

Jen blinked and shook her off. "What are you doing?"

"Saying hi. Waking you up so you don't rained on or a weird crick in your neck, listening to you not say thank you." Joey even smiled. "I dunno, I had this kind of revelation one minute ago that the world and people and us, specifically me, have treated you like crap which was really unfair and it's all stupid reasons, like, sex, why is it so bad when girls have sex? Did anything happen to the boy you were with when you were having sex on your dad's bed? Is he exiled to his grandparents in, like, the Adirondacks?"

"You were suddenly possessed by the spirit of Gloria Steinem?" Jen smiled.

"Maybe I just woke up, you know, the full moon and the lights," Joey said. "Also I had a weird night."

"What was weird?" Jen stood up and walked with Joey over to where the rowboat was.

"Don't tell, seriously, Gloria Steinem wouldn't like it. But it was weird. I kissed this guy. Who is not Dawson. And then Dawson and I were talking and making out."

"And," Jen said. She looked over at Joey and Joey looked away. "Wow, really?"

"Really," Joey said. "I didn't not want to, I wanted to, but I also felt like I was supposed to, and he felt like crap so I made him happy."

"First time sucks for most girls," Jen said. "Did for me."

"You were young," Joey said. "Younger than we are."

Jen rolled her eyes. "I was 12."

"That's so gross, I bet he wasn't 12, right? Of course not, God, people are disgusting."

Jen said, "Including me?"

"No, not at all," Joey said. "What kind of asshole guy does that to a 12 year old?"

"I was mature for my age," Jen said. "I was already drinking."

"So what? You were still 12, 3, 4 years ago," Joey said. "Why is that okay on any level? When I was 12, I still had easy breezy no sexual tension sleepovers with Dawson. So what if it was Capeside? 12 is too young."

"Thank you?" Jen looked very skeptical.

"Why are you moving too fast or whatever you said to Dawson when it wasn't, someone older than 12 should know fucking better," Joey said, angry. "It's unfair. It's unfair what happened to you and it's unfair that anyone made you feel like you were the one who did something wrong."

"Do you want to go wake up my grandmother and say all that? She doesn't agree with you. She was just lecturing me about not falling back into my old ways," Jen said, smiling. Like she was amused at Joey's completely justifiable ire.

"She's wrong," Joey said. She didn't know how to say it more emphatically. She reached out and hugged Jen. "There's nothing wrong with you."

Jen patted Joey's back. She said, "I'm not perfect, but you're an amazing cheerleader."


End file.
